crazyBLUEbird

In my dreams I lost my soul

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getting lost. by crazyBLUEbird, literature

Literature

getting lost.

I am scared to sleep next to you cause now every time i wake up your not there. I'm half asleep when I feel you stir and leave the bed, but I stay put, eyes closed forcing myself not to care. It used to last longer, with lingering affections, kisses in my hair and whispered goodmorings and I love yous. You'd hold on to me just a little tighter before getting yourself up, and I'd secretly smile in the pillows because it felt like love. hands that were soft I rarely get to touch and arms that were warm don't open up to me like they used to before. So now the days start without cuddles and I love yous, you go about yourself and I lay there wondering, what did I do? And I knew this wouldn't last because yes I'm a lot, I just thought I'd get more time before you leave and I'm permanently left with that empty spot.

I'm sorry by crazyBLUEbird, literature

Literature

I'm sorry

I'm sorry I flinch when you rest your hand on my thigh While we're driving down the roads Other hands have not been so kind I'm sorry I jump when you hug me from behind Other arms have tried to strangle me and it's those memories that make me wanna cry I'm sorry I'm discreet and quit all the time I'm afraid I'll be yelled at for making a noise or even speaking my mind I'm sorry I raise my arms in defense when you just want a high five I'm used to getting hit and not being treated nice I'm sorry I ask if you're okay when it's quiet Silence has been used as a punishment when people are angry and they try to hide it I'm sorry I'm timid and alway

Mica by crazyBLUEbird, literature

Literature

Mica

It's 1:30 when you stumble through the door You're drunk again and it's worse than the night before You promised me you wouldn't drive home in this state But here you are and fueled with so much hate You said you didn't care if you lived anymore... You asked for the key to the gun but I wouldn't let you open that door. And it broke me The way you didn't care And for a second I saw what you see from me every day But that doesn't make it okay You see I was 14 when I first saw you drunk Hunched over the trashcan I had to help you up Got you some water and pills then helped you to bed Where you continued to tell me you wished you were dead Whe

F**k u by crazyBLUEbird, literature

Literature

F**k u

He calls me a hot head, then he sets me on fire He said that it's my fault that he's a liar Then he's blushing red when he's on the phone He said "don't worry about it, leave me alone" he said "you're only as good as you are when you are with me, so I hope you know better, know better than to leave" I said "hey you, with your world painted blue" I said "fuck you, I was the brightest light you ever knew and next time you call me yelling on the phone and I'll say fuck you and leave me alone" got your car running, like your ready to go I'll be waiting for that apology when you come home Then we'll talk it out 'till it comes to an end then we'

Taken By Sleep. by crazyBLUEbird, literature

Literature

Taken By Sleep.

This is a story. About a scarlet letter..yeah It just hit me as I lay my head down No one around in the dark cold night I hear a sound, In my head repeat track of everything you've ever said Must be something but it's nothing so I just go back to bed. It's 4, crack the door to the hallway in my dreams But it seems my hallway keeps closing in on me Forcing me out, making me think about you and how you're gone I see 4:05 and teary eyes and then I write this song. And I just can't believe that it has to be this way You know we say it seems to me that it was just the other day I saw your face, I saw your light, you ran the race you fought the

foreign by crazyBLUEbird, literature

Literature

foreign

It's a strange feeling. One I've never really felt before. It's something people say is exciting After going on that dark ride of horror. And maybe I'm not ready Or maybe I'm just scared. But it's makes me feel something funny. Something that's very foreign. It's a shade of dusty yellow Like a sunrise in the fog. It's like a chilly earthy blue, like a frosted sky blue. Its Something I'm afraid to touch Because it's only brought bad news. I've never let it in And I'm terrified to try. What if it all goes wrong? What if I actually die? But it won't be like again I won't let it happen. I'm doing alright now friends I'm just in a foreign lan

1am thoughts. by crazyBLUEbird, literature

Literature

1am thoughts.

Everything was looking up Untill it wasn't. Everything was going well Until it didn't. Thought I was in the clear But I wasn't . Thought I didn't need to fear But look what happened. Staying up till 4am Only for it to start again. I kick them out They push back in. A never ending battle But my mind always wins. Everyday I stutter It's getting harder to say hello. It's not quite black But not quite yellow But a dark grey like a storm raging on.

Images by crazyBLUEbird, literature

Literature

Images

Images pass me by At least that's what I expected. But no they stick and stay and won't go away Why won't they go away... During the day it's all fun and games Because that's when I don't think. Everything I do is all by impulse So I don't think about a choice. It's at night when they come When it's still and it's dark It goes away, my distraction, My smiles my laughter my reasons to love, All traded in for glossy eyes and heart-wrenching sobs. These images come and they leave with the sun, But those hours. Those goddamn hours Are what tear me at the seams. I become tired and broken nothing worth of love I have become nothing. These images ar

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getting lost. by crazyBLUEbird, literature

Literature

getting lost.

Perfect Friend (Original) by crazyBLUEbird, literature

Literature

Perfect Friend (Original)

You said you weren't okay I asked if you wanted to talk You said it's fine, and that you'll get through it I shouldn't have believed you though... I shouldn't have believed you though... We had plans for the future And we'd talk about it.,.. All the time But then you disappeared for a while, And so we didn't talk for a while... I've missed you everyday Ever sense the day you left And I've tried to reach out, I'm sorry That I'm not a perfect friend For you... We'd sit in your room and talk About anything that's on your mind And I'd give you all my best hugs Because you're really fucking special I remember one day you called You said you c

idk? by crazyBLUEbird, literature

Literature

idk?

You're getting way too comfortable there Have you seen my nightmares my dear? Crawling out and chocking me I know you see me as I scream. That's okay and here's a fun fact I will survive this panic attack Hardly breathing I can't see All the things you've done to me! Chocking, playing, running, fighting How do you know I'm not dying caution signs are everywhere That's okay I'm not too scared. I will fight until my last breath They can't win it's in my contract Can't you see that I'm still me Guess you can't you blinded me Two black eyes from loving too hard A bleached out heart from pumping too long Bleached out lies coming from your mouth

Numb by crazyBLUEbird, literature

Literature

Numb

I need something to feel alive. I feel so numb. I can't feel my heart breaking, Or the tears rolling down my face. My demons only call me when I'm lonely. I can't keep sleeping in my bed If they keep messing with my head. I can't keep waking up like this If it's only a temporary breath. I need to breathe again I need to feel alive I feel like a robot running on gasoline. I feel broken and used. But I guess that's nothing new.

Like WHat??? by crazyBLUEbird, literature

THerapist by crazyBLUEbird, literature

Literature

THerapist

"What are you scared of?" "Love" I answer as I start to sweat. "Why are you lying?" "Because people don't understand" "Can you explain?" "Yes but can you understand?" "I can try" "Okay, I'm scared of what's in the dark, if you think, if you look ever so closly, you see nightmares... you see pain, NO!, you feel it, the ex that haunts you daily, the nightmare of your friend cutting themselves and when you go to school the next day they act weird and keep their arms covered, the fact that when you go to a "safe place" your biological brother shows up and calls you a girl, I go visit sometimes in that shadow they call a home, but it's not my ho

Spat by crazyBLUEbird, literature

Literature

Spat

Ugh these words, wait... what words The word that I can't say, the words that I am trying to write down on paper but they won't come out the words that yell at me inside my head and cause me to yell at my friends which make me not only lose my pride but my friends, I try... I try to make a song like when I was young to cause me pain but also have a little bit of fun, I try to bring back the kid before my life turned to shit... I tried to write a song but they don't come along which makes it another poem that turns into a rap... I wanted to stay home tonight, but... apparently God can't leave me alone he picked me up and carried me here ton

Bruises and Bitemarks by crazyBLUEbird, literature

Literature

Bruises and Bitemarks

Two single hearts on fire Currently on the wire As inhibitions fade A focused moment made Bruises & bitemarks say Takes one to bring the pain Passion lies in screams Of ecstatic dreams You're in a place for fear Lips are for biting here Let's make this moment worth the while Let's kill the night and go down in style Feel the magic rise We're plotting our demise Of perspiration and alcohol As I introduce the bedroom brawl You bring the ropes and chains I'll bring the pills and games I can show you pain And make you say my name1 You will believe my lies That I'm not like other guys That sparkle in my eyes Is just part of m

THis kind of life by crazyBLUEbird, literature

Literature

THis kind of life

I can't hear them anymore I'm no longer feeling so cold Are they really gone? No voices No thoughts Not wanting to die I think I, I can live, this kind of life.. (chorus) How do you know you're okay, WHen you've never felt so brave, in your entire life? How do you know you're alive WHen your breath feels like ice? I think I, I can live, THis kind of life! I can't believe I'm still here Breathing this non toxic air Forgetting what it's like to be gone I won't feel safe near there I can smile without the feels of regret My demons have lost all their bets I'm now happy And finally believe I can live this kind of life (back to chorus) Forget

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Awesome Deviants To Watch by cursors-and-ellipses, journal

Awesome Deviants To Watch

Apr 8, 2017

Ok, so I went through who I'm watching again and unwatched a few people. But more importantly, I decided to pick people who had 50 watchers or less and share them with you guys. Some draw, some write, some take photos, some do multiple things. Some post regularly, others not so much. Some have a lot of deviations, others don't but still look promising. Even if you don't watch them, just give them a llama badge to support them or something, because they're all amazing and deserve it. Here they are: AnastasiaKorikova (https://www.deviantart.com/anastasiakorikova) Arkenta-And-Aphsum (https://www.deviantart.com/arkenta-and-aphsum) chaseawaythedark (https://www.deviantart.com/chaseawaythedark) BasketAiger (https://www.deviantart.com/basketaiger) BillTrash (https://www.deviantart.com/billtrash) crazyBLUEbird (https://www.deviantart.com/crazybluebird) goldfinching (https://www.deviantart.com/goldfinching) :dev

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About crazyBLUEbird

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May 8, 2000
United States
Deviant for 8 years
He / Him

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My Bio

Some things might be triggering.

Favourite Movies

dumbo

Favourite TV Shows

strike the blood

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

5 seconds of summer, Black Veil Brides

Favourite Books

Dark Companions

Favourite Writers

John Green

Favourite Games

the legend of zelda

Favourite Gaming Platform

Xbox 1

Other Interests

I play guitar and long board everywhere

Posts

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crazyBLUEbird

Aug 19, 2019

wow it's been a while yeah? This update is sick though, I miss ya'll how ya been? -Bloo

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crazyBLUEbird

May 17, 2019

guess who made it to 19.

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crazyBLUEbird

Mar 29, 2019

Bright Yellow

0 min read

So I realized it's been a while since I've given an update. Things are pretty freaking great now. I left my first job cause it was an awful environment and now I have a much better job that I can actually afford to pay bills and such with so that's pretty great. I have a boyfriend. crazy right? He's pretty great though. I've started going to this broken mic thing every Wednesday downtown and I'm pretty amazed that there are so many fucked up people like me so openly talking and speaking about anything and everything and they do it fearlessly. I was blown away the first time I went, mesmerized by the way they effortlessly rhyme every line and